Overcoming ADHD Shame & Building Systems That Work for YOU
“Executive functioning is about wiring, not willpower.”
How to Build Executive Functioning Skills: ADHD-Friendly Strategies
If you’ve ever stared at a messy room, a never-ending to-do list, or a blinking cursor on a blank screen and thought, “Why can’t I just get this done?”—you’re not alone. Executive functioning skills, the brain’s control center for planning, organizing, emotional regulation, and follow-through, can be tricky for anyone. For individuals with ADHD, parents juggling multiple roles, or those navigating stressful transitions, these skills often feel even more out of reach. The good news is that executive functioning can be strengthened with intentional strategies, realistic systems, and a shift in mindset.
We’ll explore practical tips inspired by ADHD coaching and executive functioning support to help you create momentum and feel more in control.
What Are Executive Functioning Skills?
Executive functioning skills are like a mental toolbox that helps you:
Organize tasks and materials
Prioritize what’s important
Manage time effectively
Regulate emotions
Focus and shift attention when needed
Start and complete tasks
For those with ADHD or executive dysfunction, these skills can feel inconsistent or unreliable. It’s not about laziness or a lack of discipline—this is about brain wiring. Many people with ADHD experience a need for urgency or interest to activate their brains, making mundane or overwhelming tasks difficult to approach. Understanding this difference is key to building compassionate, personalized systems.
Executive Function Quick Start Guide
Why Shame Doesn’t Work
If you’ve ever berated yourself for being “lazy” or “unmotivated,” you’ve felt the shame spiral that often comes with executive dysfunction. But shame is not a strategy. It creates stress and avoidance, making tasks even harder. ADHD coaching and executive functioning work emphasize compassion and curiosity over criticism. Instead of asking, “Why can’t I do this?” try asking, “What support or system would make this easier?”
Small Wins Are Big Wins
Many people with ADHD or executive dysfunction plan for the idealized version of themselves—the person who will clean the whole house in a day or finish a project in one sitting. But this approach often leads to burnout and disappointment. Instead, focusing on small wins builds real momentum.
For example:
Spend 5 minutes tidying one surface instead of cleaning the whole room.
Send one email rather than clearing your entire inbox.
Break big projects into micro-tasks you can complete in short bursts.
These small wins are actually big wins because they reinforce your ability to take action and create progress.
Executive Functioning Coach and Licensed Social Worker Lisa Sydney talks about the hidden challenges of ADHD, how executive functioning skills impact every area of life, and the importance of celebrating small wins. Lisa shares practical tips for building systems that work with your brain—not against it—plus we share insights into coaching, parenting, emotional regulation, and breaking the cycle of shame around productivity.
If you're navigating ADHD, parenting demands, or just trying to stay organized in a busy life, this conversation offers tangible strategies to create balance and reclaim your sense of self.
Here are practical tools and techniques to strengthen executive functioning and reduce overwhelm:
1. Body Doubling
Working alongside someone—whether in person or virtually—can make tasks easier. This technique leverages external accountability and connection to reduce the mental load of starting a task.
2. Time Blocking and Pomodoro
Breaking time into focused work sessions (e.g., 25 minutes of focus, 5 minutes of rest) helps manage attention and energy. Time blocking your day with realistic expectations is also key.
3. Visual Systems
Use visual reminders like sticky notes, whiteboards, or digital dashboards to keep priorities in sight. ADHD brains often need external cues to stay on track.
4. Environment Cues
Set up your space to support your goals: keep tools visible for tasks you want to do more of, and reduce clutter or distractions where possible. Your environment should work with you, not against you.
5. Emotional Regulation Practices
Executive functioning isn’t just about organization—it’s deeply tied to emotions. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, or even short breaks to reset your nervous system can improve focus and reduce frustration.
Coaching vs. Therapy for ADHD Support
Both coaching and therapy have valuable roles in ADHD and executive functioning support. Therapy often focuses on exploring the past, healing trauma, and addressing emotional struggles. Coaching, on the other hand, is future-focused and skill-oriented. An executive functioning coach helps clients create systems, develop strategies, and experiment with tools in a supportive, non-judgmental way. Many people benefit from having both a therapist and a coach to address different needs.
Parenting and Executive Functioning
Parenting adds another layer of complexity, especially when juggling multiple children, school schedules, and work demands. Parents often feel guilty for not “keeping it all together,” but executive functioning challenges are common even for neurotypical adults. Using visual family calendars, simple routines, and grace for yourself as a parent can go a long way. Modeling self-compassion teaches kids valuable emotional skills, too.
Breaking the Cycle of Overwhelm
ADHD brains are often wired for urgency, which is why many people procrastinate until the last minute. The adrenaline of a looming deadline provides the stimulation needed to complete tasks. While this strategy can work temporarily, it creates stress and reinforces avoidance patterns. Building small, sustainable habits is a way to break free from this cycle.
Some ways to start:
Choose one small daily habit to build consistency, like setting out clothes the night before.
Pair tasks with enjoyable activities (e.g., listening to a podcast while folding laundry).
Use tools like reminders, alarms, and digital planners to reduce mental load.
Redefining Productivity
Productivity is often tied to unrealistic cultural expectations of doing more, faster, and better. For people with executive functioning challenges, redefining productivity as intentional action—not perfection—can be liberating. A tidy desk, a sent email, or a moment of calm is valuable progress. The goal is not to become a productivity machine but to create a life where you feel balanced and capable.
Final Thoughts
Executive functioning challenges are not a moral failing. They are part of how your brain works. By approaching these challenges with curiosity, compassion, and tailored strategies, you can create a supportive environment that helps you thrive. Whether you’re navigating ADHD, parenting, or simply a busy life, celebrating small wins and building systems that fit you—not the person you think you “should” be—will create meaningful progress over time.
If you’d like more support, download our free Small Wins Tracker to start celebrating progress today. Remember, a small win is never small if it moves you forward.
Clinician Spotlight Lisa Sydney, LSW
Lisa Sydney, LSW
Lisa is an executive functioning coach and counseling professional offering support for adolescents, college students, and adults navigating ADHD, executive dysfunction, and life transitions. She helps clients strengthen skills like time management, organization, emotional regulation, and follow-through, while also exploring how identity, relationships, and major changes shape their wellbeing.
Lisa is an executive functioning coach and counseling professional offering support for adolescents, college students, and adults navigating ADHD, executive dysfunction, and life transitions. She helps clients strengthen skills like time management, organization, emotional regulation, and follow-through, while also exploring how identity, relationships, and major changes shape their wellbeing.
Lisa’s work blends executive functioning coaching with a strengths-based, neurodiversity-affirming, and queer-affirming approach. She specializes in helping:
Teens and young adults navigate high school stress, the shift to college, and building independence
Adults balancing careers, parenting, and relationships
Women navigating perimenopause, menopause, and other significant life transitions
Her coaching focuses on practical systems and strategies to make daily life easier, reduce stress, and help clients thrive. Lisa believes that with the right support, clients can create sustainable routines and confidence in both their academic and personal lives.
You can find Lisa here: www.lisasydney.com
Thaina Cordero, PhD
Hi, there! I’m a Clinical Sexologist and work with clients who want to cultivate greater ease and pleasure in their lives.
