Consent: A Conversation Beyond "Yes" or "No"
“Everybody’s glad to be there and free to leave with no unwanted consequences.”
Consent is often described as a simple binary—yes or no. We’re taught that “yes means yes” and “no means no,” but life and relationships are rarely that straightforward.
Imagine this: you offer someone a cup of tea. They say, “Yes, I’d love some!” So, you take the time to make it—brewing the perfect cup, adding just the right amount of milk or sugar, and presenting it with care. But when you return, they say, “Actually, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want tea anymore.”
What do you do? You wouldn’t force the tea down their throat. That would be absurd, right?
This simple metaphor for consent is often used to explain that people are allowed to change their minds. Whether it’s tea or something far more intimate, our boundaries are fluid, shaped by our emotions, comfort, and context in the moment. Consent is not a rigid contract; it’s a conversation, an ongoing dialogue where everyone has the right to pause, reevaluate, and even walk away.
Redefining Consent
When we think of consent as a living, breathing exchange, it transforms how we navigate relationships. It invites us to stay present, pay attention, and respect not only others' boundaries but also our own. This isn’t just about avoiding harm—it’s about cultivating trust and connection in a way that feels authentic and meaningful for everyone involved.
Here are three things to keep in mind:
Consent is a Process
Consent isn’t a one-time question with a permanent answer. It’s a process that unfolds in real-time. Checking in with your partner (or friend, or anyone you’re engaging with) keeps the conversation open.How do you feel about this right now?
Is there anything you’d like to adjust?
These aren’t just polite questions—they’re tools to nurture mutual respect and understanding.
Changing Your Mind is Valid
Saying “yes” in one moment doesn’t mean you’re locked into that decision forever. Circumstances shift. So does how we feel. Honoring someone’s ability to change their mind is an act of compassion and maturity.No Should Be Respected Without Question
A “no” is complete in itself. It doesn’t require an explanation, justification, or apology. Learning to receive a “no” with grace—and offering one without guilt—is a practice in self-respect and communication.
The Bigger Picture
At its heart, consent isn’t about following rules; it’s about creating a culture where everyone feels safe, seen, and respected. It’s not always perfect, and it might feel uncomfortable at times, but the discomfort is part of the growth.
When we shift the conversation from “Can I have your consent?” to “How can we ensure this feels good and right for both of us?”, we create space for deeper connection and mutual care.
Your Turn
What does consent mean to you? Have you ever found yourself navigating a situation where boundaries changed? Let’s talk about it in the comments below.
Consent isn’t just about preventing harm—it’s about fostering trust, safety, and joy in all our interactions. When we approach it with curiosity and care, we take ownership of our lives in a way that feels truly empowering.
I’m a Sex Counselor and Yoga Teacher. I work with individuals, couples, non-monogamous relationships, and groups in topics related to sexuality, emotional regulation, communication dynamics, and changing behaviors.
