Self-Accountability: Taking an Active Role in Your Life
Too many people go through life passively, letting things happen rather than taking ownership of their choices, emotions, and growth. This is especially true when it comes to mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. They don’t see small changes in themselves because they’re inside the experience—but an outside perspective can reveal just how much progress they’re making.
Self-accountability is what makes real change possible. Whether you’re working through relationship challenges, exploring your sexuality, or managing stress, actively engaging in your process leads to better results. So, how can you shift from passive to active in your own life?
Why Self-Accountability Matters
Think about someone trying to lose weight. They might check in with a coach or step on the scale to track progress. That accountability helps them stay motivated and aware of their actions. The same principle applies to emotional and relational growth.
If you don’t track your efforts, it’s easy to feel stuck.
Small changes add up, but you might not notice them without reflection.
Having an external perspective—like a coach, counselor, or support system—helps reinforce growth.
When people engage in their own healing, whether through self-reflection, therapy, or practices like mindfulness and yoga, they become active participants rather than passive observers of their lives.
Signs You’re Passively Engaging in Life
You wait for things to change rather than taking steps yourself.
You feel like life is happening to you instead of because of you.
You struggle to recognize progress in your personal growth.
You avoid difficult conversations or emotions rather than working through them.
If any of these resonate, it may be time to shift into a more active role.
How to Take an Active Role in Your Growth
Track Your Progress
Keep a journal to reflect on thoughts, emotions, and behaviors over time.
Use an app like Daylio or Stoic to note daily feelings and habits.
In relationships, check in with your partner: “Have we been communicating better?”
Engage in Self-Reflection
Ask yourself: What am I doing to improve my situation?
Reflect on small wins, like handling a stressful moment differently than before.
Work with a counselor or coach to get an outside perspective.
Set Intentions, Not Just Goals
Instead of “I want to be less stressed,” try “I will practice deep breathing when I feel overwhelmed.”
Instead of “I want a better relationship,” try “I will communicate my needs clearly and listen openly.”
Use Mindfulness and Somatic Practices
Yoga, breathwork, and sensory awareness exercises help bridge the gap between emotions and action.
Try the "noodle breathing" technique—breathe deeply and relax like a cooked spaghetti noodle to release tension.
Pay attention to bodily cues—where do you feel stress? What happens when you slow down and notice?
How I Can Help
As a somatic sex counselor and yoga teacher, I specialize in helping people become more aware of how their thoughts, emotions, and bodies interact. Whether it’s navigating relationship challenges, improving communication, or exploring sexuality in a mindful way, I focus on bottom-up (body-based) and top-down (cognitive) approaches to change.
Some ways I help clients with self-accountability:
Mindful relationship practices – Bringing awareness to communication patterns and emotional responses.
Somatic exercises – Using movement, breath, and sensation to process emotions.
Practical tools for emotional regulation – Learning how to manage stress and reactivity in real time.
Exploring sexuality and desire shifts – Understanding what you want, why, and how to communicate it.
If you’re ready to shift from passive to active in your personal growth, let’s connect.
Resources for Self-Accountability
📖 Books:
Atomic Habits – James Clear (great for habit tracking)
The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel van der Kolk (understanding how the body holds stress)
Come As You Are – Emily Nagoski (exploring sexuality and self-awareness)
🎧 Podcasts:
Where Should We Begin? – Esther Perel (real couples navigating relationship challenges)
The Happiness Lab – Dr. Laurie Santos (science-based insights on personal growth)
📲 Apps:
Daylio (mood and habit tracking)
Insight Timer (guided mindfulness and breathwork)
Final Thoughts
If you feel like life is just happening around you, it’s time to step in and take ownership. Small, intentional actions create lasting change. Whether you’re working through relationship challenges, exploring your identity, or managing stress, self-accountability is the key to moving forward.
Where can you take a more active role in your life today?
I’m a Sex Counselor and Yoga Teacher. I work with individuals, couples, non-monogamous relationships, and groups in topics related to sexuality, emotional regulation, communication dynamics, and changing behaviors.
