A Guide to Negotiating a Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) Scene
Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) is an intense form of kink that requires deep trust, clear communication, and thorough negotiation. Because CNC mimics non-consensual scenarios, it is crucial to establish firm boundaries, safety measures, and aftercare plans before engaging in play. This guide will walk you through step-by-step negotiation to ensure that all participants feel safe, respected, and excited about the experience.
Start your journey today with the right tools to guide you safely and confidently through your BDSM experiences. Click here to download.
Step 1: Establish Trust and Readiness
Before negotiating a CNC scene, ask yourself and your partner(s):
Do we trust each other completely?
Can we communicate openly and without fear?
Do we have experience with BDSM/kink dynamics?
Are we emotionally prepared for the intensity of CNC?
If there are doubts or hesitations, it may be best to start with lighter power exchange or resistance play before engaging in full CNC.
Step 2: Define Desires, Fantasies, and Boundaries
1. Discuss Interests and Fantasies
What excites you about CNC?
What types of scenarios appeal to you? (e.g., resistance play, kidnapping fantasy, forceful dominance)
Are there specific themes, words, or actions that turn you on?
2. Identify Hard and Soft Limits
Hard limits (absolute NOs) – Actions, words, or scenarios that are completely off-limits.
Soft limits (situational) – Things that may be okay under specific circumstances or with modifications.
Common Limit Categories to Discuss:
Physical limits – Choking, slapping, restraints, gags, pain levels
Verbal limits – Certain words, name-calling, degradation, role-play dialogue
Emotional limits – Fear play, humiliation, psychological triggers
Sexual limits – Specific acts (e.g., penetration, rough oral play, orgasm control)
📌 Tip: Use a BDSM checklist to help clarify what is acceptable and what is off-limits.
Step 3: Set Up Consent and Safety Protocols
1. Establish a Safe Word System
Because CNC play may involve pretending to resist, a clear, non-ambiguous safe word system is mandatory.
Common Safe Word System:
"Green" – Everything is good, continue.
"Yellow" – Slow down, something needs adjusting.
"Red" – Stop immediately.
If Verbal Safe Words Aren’t Possible:
Use a hand signal (raising a fist, tapping three times).
Hold an object (like a ball) that can be dropped to signal a stop.
2. Agree on a Check-In Method
Since CNC can be intense, it’s helpful for the dominant partner to subtly check in. Some options include:
✔ Whispering, “Are you okay?” (without breaking the scene)
✔ Using "double squeeze" – The submissive squeezes their partner’s hand twice to confirm they’re okay.
✔ Agreeing on a code phrase (e.g., “I hate you” means everything is fine).
3. Decide on Scene Duration and Escape Plan
How long will the scene last? (10 minutes? An hour?)
What’s the end signal to wrap things up? (a specific word, a certain act)
If a scenario involves being restrained or confined, how will the submissive be able to stop it if needed?
Step 4: Plan the Scene Together
A well-negotiated CNC scene should balance excitement with structure and safety. Some key elements to discuss:
1. Scene Setting & Storyline
Will there be role-play elements? (e.g., stranger, intruder, authority figure)
Where will the scene take place? (home, dungeon, hotel)
Will there be surprise elements, or will everything be pre-planned?
2. Language and Dirty Talk
Are certain phrases or insults off-limits?
Is resistance play encouraged? If so, to what extent?
Are there words that would be emotionally triggering?
3. Physical Sensations
Will there be forced restraint? (handcuffs, rope, blindfolds)
What level of roughness is okay? (light slaps vs. intense struggle)
How will the dominant know when to push and when to ease up?
4. Orgasm and Pleasure Control
Are orgasms allowed, controlled, or denied?
Will the submissive be forced to pretend they don’t want it?
📌 Tip: If the submissive partner enjoys nonverbal resistance (like squirming or saying “no” playfully), make sure this is understood beforehand.
Step 5: Establish Aftercare and Debriefing
Because CNC play can be emotionally and physically intense, aftercare is a crucial part of negotiation. Discuss:
1. What Type of Aftercare is Needed?
Physical comfort – Cuddling, blankets, water, massages
Emotional reassurance – Verbal affirmations (“You were amazing.”)
Space – Does the submissive need alone time before reconnecting?
2. How to Process the Scene Afterward
What went well?
Was anything too much, too little, or unexpected?
Do any boundaries need to be adjusted for next time?
📌 Tip: Some people need delayed emotional aftercare, so check in hours or days later to ensure both partners feel good about the experience.
Step 6: Get Enthusiastic Consent & Confirm Readiness
Before starting the scene, both partners should enthusiastically agree to the terms outlined. A good way to do this is with a final confirmation: "I understand the limits, safety signals, and what we’re about to do. I’m excited and ready to play." If there’s any hesitation or discomfort, do not proceed until everyone feels fully prepared.
Final Thoughts: CNC is Built on Trust, Not Harm
CNC can be an incredibly erotic and psychologically thrilling experience—but only when practiced ethically, responsibly, and with full consent.
✔ Take time to communicate and negotiate.
✔ Err on the side of caution, especially when exploring new territory.
✔ Prioritize trust, emotional readiness, and aftercare.
A well-negotiated CNC scene isn’t about pushing past limits—it’s about playing with boundaries in a way that feels controlled, safe, and deeply pleasurable for everyone involved.
I’m a Sex Counselor and Yoga Teacher. I work with individuals, couples, non-monogamous relationships, and groups in topics related to sexuality, emotional regulation, communication dynamics, and changing behaviors.
